Learning about Poetry (part 10): Vague to Detail

©2020 by Ken Wickham

All rights reserved.

In the last poetry post, sensory words and images were added to the researched set of rhymes in order to make the sentences more visceral. Here is the result so far.

I heard the bombastic busk,

blasting echoes in the city dusk.
"Don't be brusque!" I said to the one most abrupt.

A heavy scent of lingering fresh musk.

Beads of sweat on skin forming an aromatic musk.

Eating fishy cusk and crunchy rusk.

There by rainy, wet dusk.

The slippery sliding and gliding slimy mollusk.

Protruding sharp and long, like fangs

impaled deep and deadly the tusk.

I'm just an empty dried husk,

of my ancient former self.

Hurt and lusk, unmoving, sunken in a sofa.

From bright noon to darkening dusk.

A single undulating foot of a dark shelled mollusk.

Gone far by final dusk.

This exercise, I'll focus on making a few of the descriptions more specific.

I heard pounding in my eardrum the increasingly bombastic busk,

blasting echoes in the shadowy towers of the unfamiliar city dusk.

"Don't be brusque!"
I said to the one,
my foe,
whom I despise most abrupt.

A heavy scent drifted to my nostrils of wanted lingering fresh musk.

Beads of dripping sweat on skin forming an aromatic musk.

Eating healthy fishy cusk and satisfying crunchy rusk.

There outside my sanctuary, covered by showering-mist rainy, wet dusk.

The slippery sliding and gliding slimy mollusk,
oozed seeking paths, to my eyes, of glistening wonder.

Protruding sharp, menacing, and long, like fangs

impaled deep and deadly the tusk.

I'm just an empty, drained of all soul, a dried shriveled husk,

of a long past shell of my ancient former self.

Hurt and lusk,
unmoving, sunken deep,
almost under, in a reclining sofa.

From blinding light of midday noon to darkening mist of shadowed dusk.

A single solitary undulating foot, I beheld, of a dark shelled mollusk.

Gone far from my familiarity,
away from my home by final, unstoppable dusk.

Alright, I tried my best to expand and make it more detailed and a little less vague by making a few adjectives more specific. I also added some more action, commentary, and images. In the next poetry post, I'll try to check abstract vs concrete words.